Category Archives: Contemplation

by Dre Gonzales

Contemplation

Why I gave up the vanlife

Is it freedom or necessity?

I can’t recall when I started searching for van life-related stuff before I began being flooded by ads on my social media feed but here we are, back where we started.

The idea of van life came about after a few years of living and working in remote places here in Canada.

Why rent a place just to store your stuff? They don’t fit in your car? Give them away or sell those you no longer need or get a storage unit instead.

Both of which, I did.

Sold some of my stuff I no longer use and don’t know when I would use them and the rest goes in the storage and the summer stuff (except the snowboard boots ) in my car.

The whole idea behind van life is the adventure, mobility and the economic aspect of it.

Are you trying to save or is that all you can afford?

Unless you make your living online or you’re young and you want to try it out for a few weeks or months or you got a job that offers free accommodations, then this life is for you, otherwise, it’ll be a short lived love affair just like mine.

The planning stage

Before I started removing the backseat of my CRV and converting it to a hospitable vehicle I thought of the obvious challenges I would face along the way.

Where would I shower?

The solution I came up with is by signing up for a gym membership that’s 24/7 and in many locations. So I would workout in the morning or night then shower afterwards.

Problem solved.

Is it not more expensive than renting?

The average cost for a room in Alberta is around $500/month, if I could park outside the gym or outside Walmart, I could allocate that money for the storage rent for my winter stuff, for my gas and occasional campsite cost.

Problem solved.

I did this experiment while waiting for deployment. I worked as a helicopter refueler during the 2023 Alberta wildfire season. Vehicles and accommodations are provided, free parking for personal vehicles are available during deployment.

The honeymoon stage

FREEDOM!

I can go wherever and whenever.

Some cool life stories to look back on when I’m old.

Instant creds among your peers.

Cool pictures and videos for the gram.

Is it worth it?

Reality check

The cost of isolation.

Society promotes personal independence, that this should be the goal of everyone who wants to succeed in the modern world.

As always, this advice is half baked.

To be independent is good but what I realized and maybe the best thing I got out of this experience is that; the ultimate goal is to have an independent tribe.

A group of people you selected that you can connect to on emotional and psychological level, you can rely on, whom you can speak your language with, and most importantly people you can trust.

human beings need three basic things in order to be content: they need to feel competent at what they do; they need to feel authentic in their lives; and they need to feel connected to others. These values are considered "intrinsic" to human happiness and far outweigh "extrinsic" values such as beauty, money and status.
Tribe | Sebastian Yunger

I tried not to cry after reading this and confirming my discovery/theory has merit. At the end of the day, we are social creatures. The modern world will keep on providing us what we ask from it regardless if it’s in accordance with our nature or not.

Soft drinks can give you dopamine, exercise can give you endorphins, and psilocybin can give you serotonin, but oxytocin the love hormone is kinda elusive and hard to get.

This is the hormone responsible for the good feeling we get from hugs or when we’re surrounded by people we love, responsible for the joy when we meet people we can connect to and the first to deplete when we’re alone or in isolation.

The importance of having a physical base and much more of a social base cannot be overstated. We can wander for thousands of miles with no problem as long as we know that our base is waiting for us whenever we decide to. We can undertake solitary pursuit even for a long period of time, as long as we know that our tribe is waiting for us whenever we decide to return.

The epidemic of depression in the modern world is the price we pay for the convenience we enjoy individually. The further away we detach from our nature the more problems we would face individually and as a race.

Ignore this rule at your own peril.

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Contemplation

Day one.

From campsite to Canmore to Calgary and to some random curbside outside an apartment complex.

The vanlife.

I was convincing myself that this endeavor is sustainable and it’s fun, that it’s cheaper. But it’s not.

It’s not sustainable(especially during winter), it’s not always fun and it’s not cheap. ( campsites rates average around $30/night)

After decades of having your own room and place you can call home, living in a vehicle is really something to get used to before you’ll overcome the series of melancholic feeling.

Vanlife makes living/working in a camp like a luxury.

I must admit that I’m under equipped with necessary tools mainly for power source.

When I was at Canmore public library I saw a young couple with extension cords hooked to the power outlet of the library so they could charge all their gadgets at the same time. Desperate time calls for desperate measures or they’re just being smart. Maybe I should try that too.

It’s inevitable to feel your ego begging for help. As you climb through a narrow opening from your side door towards your bed, as you fear people seeing you through your window. What would they think? Why do I care? I shouldn’t care,right?

What if it’s a cop or security guard and knocks on the window to tell you that what you’re doing is not allowed then ask you “what are you doing? Where are you from? Don’t you have a home?”

It would be less embarrassing if I could say I do, but although I can lie to other people, I can’t lie to myself. Cause the real answer is I don’t.

How did I end up here?

I have been working in jobs that provide accommodations since 2021, I was not renting anywhere and my stuff that I don’t need is in the storage. Smart right? Yea, until it’s not.

I lost my last camp job early in July then found a short gig till the end of that month. Since then, I have been a wandering soul.

Lost. Alone.

I was preoccupied by my future that I forgot about the present. None of those future planning would make sense if I don’t survive my present challenges and predicaments.

Hic Et Nunc.

Maybe this is the purpose of this experience. For me to start living in the present, right here, right now. To establish a base before stretching for more. To have a home before building an empire. To walk before trying to run.

Regardless of how strong you think you are, how resilient you think you are. If you had to endure, your plan already failed or the lack thereof.

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Contemplation

How to make tough decisions

Life has a way of testing us, pushing us to make tough choices. But perhaps, these moments of uncertainty are what define us, what mold us into the people we are meant to become. So, as I stand at this crossroads, I’ll take a deep breath, summon my courage, and trust that the right decision will reveal itself when the time is right.

Arriving at the right decision is a complex conundrum that is highly dependent not only with the options available or the end result, but more importantly, recognizing what phase of life you’re in as well as the people involved or would be affected by your decision.

As I’m writing this I’m involved in fighting one of Alberta’s wildfire, a two month gig (hopefully) before my planned trip to the Philippines to celebrate my father’s 60th birthday.

Then I received a call from a former boss asking if I wanted to go back. The pay from that job is pretty good and apparently it just got better. But taking this job would mean that I’ll have to cut my current tenure short (burning bridges) and inevitably delay my trip to the Philippines and miss my father’s birthday.

What makes this decision hard?

The money is tempting and I want the money but I also want to see my family and friends and celebrate my father’s birthday.

That’s my options. Earn good money or live life.

Where are you in life?

The luxury that I can choose life over money is afforded to me by my bachelor status. Besides, the extra dollars I would earn would not change the trajectory of my life drastically tho it would definitely provide a soft cushion to my present reality. Had I had people depending on me (children), missing my father’s birthday would be sacrificed and that vacation would have to wait. But my father is aging. Five, ten years from now, I may or may not be fortunate to make a lot of money but my father will never be 60 again. His vitality is guaranteed to be diminished by then, that’ll prevent us from doing the things we can do now. ( He’s currently trying to surf and riding dirt bikes).

Fate is never to be trusted when it’s the fairest.

Seneca

The most overlooked nature of money is that you can stumble with a great sum of it if you’re lucky or work hard enough but you can never turn back the hands of time no matter how hard you try or how much money you have to pay for it.

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Contemplation

Life and my windshield

I just did a long overdue wash to my CRV and after that long drive from BC with all the dead bugs on my front bumper, hood and windshield, I finally find the time to give it a quick wash. Detailing the inside can wait since it’s loaded with my stuff at the moment.

But what stands out in that experience was my cracked and dirty windshield. If someone sees me driving and notice the windshield he probably says that I’m maximizing the usefulness of my windshield. Waiting for it to almost break or when it is no longer safe to drive before I would replace it and decide “That’s it bro,’ and he’ll be right.

Sometimes life is like a windshield.

Use it.

Make the most out of it.

Maximize it before deciding it’s run its course.

A windshield that was maximized is not one without scratches or dirt, or in my case cracked. Same with life. A maximized life is not one without struggle, defeats or losses and sometimes regret. A maximized life will inevitably have battle scars. A history of ups and downs, success and defeats, sunshine and rainbows.

Life is like a windshield that has a time limit, it has its inevitable end. So what are you saving that windshield for? Why not travel as much as you can? Thru sunshine, rain or snow? What’s the point of depriving yourself of fun and experiencing life just because it might scratch the windshield or crack it?

Life is a journey that we cannot redo.

Live it.

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Contemplation

Unleashing the Power of the Unconscious: 10 Transformative Quotes from the Legendary Carl Jung

Carl Jung was a Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst who is widely regarded as one of the most influential figures in the field of psychology. He was the founder of analytical psychology, which emphasized the exploration of the unconscious mind and the importance of symbolism and archetypes in understanding the human psyche. Throughout his career, Jung made numerous significant contributions to the field of psychology, including the concept of the collective unconscious, the theory of psychological types, and the exploration of dreams.

Here are 10 of Carl Jung’s most famous quotes:

  • “Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”
  • “I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”
  • “Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people.”
  • “The greatest and most important problems of life are all fundamentally insoluble. They can never be solved but only outgrown.”
  • “The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.”

  • “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”
  • “Your perception will become clear only when you can look into your soul.”
  • “As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.”
  • “The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.”
  • “Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”
  • Jung’s ideas and insights continue to inspire and influence many people today. His legacy has had a profound impact on the field of psychology and our understanding of the human psyche
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